How To Process Negative Emotions and Avoid Getting Stuck
I firmly believe that those of us living in these times are the heartiest of souls. This present era requires much resilience, and amidst the shifts, we are being asked to maintain our inner strength. The nature of these circumstances, however, can take a toll on our emotions even for the most resilient among us.
Yet it’s within our emotions that our ultimate power resides. But so often we shut them down, deny their existence, or may not even understand they are present. Whatever the reason, if left unaddressed at this critical juncture ruminating thoughts and anxiety often begins. So a few things to know to help avoid this…
Emotions Are Our Friends
Emotions are essential to connecting with ourselves, with others, and can even keep us out of danger. Think about it, feeling frustration can help motivate us to make changes for the betterment of our lives. Or when someone comes up behind us who we don’t know we want to feel fear so we can protect ourselves.
Negative Emotions Do Not Exist
This concept comes up in so many sessions! All emotions are good because they reveal a fundamental truth within us, especially the ones that feel uncomfortable. When we live in our truths we can create our most authentic and healthy life. The thing is, humans are literally designed to have emotions and we are blessed with such a beautiful range from joy and excitement to surprise and fear.
Feeling Emotions Begins in Childhood
Growing up, many well meaning parents and authority figures, and even peers sent us messages that feeling and expressing our emotions was not acceptable.
Do “don’t be a crybaby,” “toughen up,” and “you’re overreacting” or some version of this sound familiar? Consequently we didn’t get to practice and then learn how to actually sit with and process emotions, and instead we blocked them.
Feel, Process, Release
Important to remember, emotions are simply energy, and energy is always in motion! Emotions just want to be witnessed, and our attention is like a light. We feel, process, and they move out of us. So how can we do this?
Recognize when your body is communicating. Our bodies inform our state 80% of the time. So do a body scan. You may notice your heart is beating faster, perhaps your eyes are wider or moving faster, or there’s a knot in your stomach.
Get quiet, and sit with the feeling
Go into the feeling and ask “what is this?” Get curious, be open
Slow Down. Do some slow breathing and just notice the emotion
Allow the emotion to move up and through you. When we do this it morphs, changes, and moves out of us. Remember, emotions last for 90 seconds. That’s it! Then they are done. (It’s why people sometimes say a “wave” of emotion.)
Don’t go to the head to fix it, just feel it. When we go to our heads, our brains work so hard to figure it out and it becomes like a hamster on a wheel. This is precisely where we become stuck. This also is where judgment arises and blame comes in. None of this serves us. So don't attach a story or meaning to the feeling, just allow it to flow. It can be a hard one, but it's just a muscle to build.
Journaling afterwards can be cathartic. The truth underneath the emotion can be naturally revealed when we shut off our brains and just put pen to paper, letting it flow. Beautiful wisdom comes from inside of us, not from our head. I’m a huge proponent of journaling as one of the best ways to get in touch with our truths!
Ultimately, the goal in all of this is to find peace. That old saying “the only way out is through” is so true in this situation. Emotions are really gifts we have as humans. Especially in times of separation or disconnection or confusion they inform us of our values and needs and are the all important bridge for how we connect to others.